Keeping Habits Your Way

If keeping habits has been weighing on you, come in. This space is about finding a rhythm that actually fits.

It seems a straightforward path, but we can always find our leeway just turning right. Picture by Luise and Nic

For anyone that is already struggling with keeping their resolutions:

I don't know if this is backed by science or has some kind of fancy official name.

I call it an "agreement" with myself in which I just tell myself what I want to be accountable for and let go of HOW it should be perfectly done every time.

For me it looks like: "I want to go 3 times a week to the gym."

It's not:

• It has to be exactly 75 min full workout and leave sweating like a pig to be valid.

or

• Mon-Wed-Fri at 5:30am SHARP. And if I skip Monday, the week is doomed.

No, no it's not.

I can go on Saturday. I can go in the evening, at lunch.

It's all valid even if my third day is Sunday at 11am.

And if I actually miss a day, it's ok. I did NOT blow up anything.

There's a new week coming.

NO NEED TO COMPENSATE and go an extra day next week or crash diet because of that.

In the end, it's not just about one week but the whole year, or even years, cultivating that habit.

“Agreements” is simply a "method" that works for me to keep up with my habits, and it might work for you too.

It’s not something I read somewhere or started off already doing. It happened because I was going crazy trying to maintain my diet.

I had to cold‑turkey change my diet and gain weight due to health concerns.

Do I believe that is enough reason for anyone to keep it up? No. As seen in any relative, you know... the one who ignores their high blood pressure or pre-diabetes medical advice. You know the drill.

But I also don’t believe it needs to be something GRAND, large or small, it just has to be enough reason *for you*.

As for me, I am “naturally” not bad at cold‑turkey‑ing or being disciplined in general, so it was a no‑brainer, especially because it had the potential to improve immediate symptoms and my long‑term health.

I started strong and stayed like that for some good months without much thinking.

BUT, but, but.

At that mark, I started to notice some really tiring patterns that were making things mi-se-ra-ble.

Like any habit, it’s something you’re trying to incorporate at large, probably on a daily basis, so if it gets annoyingly hard, it will be rather difficult to keep it.

My diet consists of (please don’t laugh, and I swear I’m not being tortured): low‑added sugar, mostly lean meats, no cured or processed meats, gluten‑free and dairy‑free, and lots of veggies and fruits. Low FODMAP when necessary.

And it’s not that I’m allergic to all of those things, but it *is* a medical recommendation, and I can’t even be petty and say it’s all bullsh*t, because I am better now. It might not be the only reason, but I like to believe it helped.

The detail here is all the hard‑to‑adopt good habits probably have this kind of tug‑of‑war.

Why? Because they have *leeway*.

I know what is better for me, but I’m not allergic, right?

I know being on my phone before bed is not the best for my sleep hygiene, but… it’s ASMR. It’s fine… RIGHT?

And so on, and so forth.

You’re probably sick of people giving you 100 reasons why you should or shouldn’t do it (in said way).

Ok… so. Am I doing the same?

Well... kinda, but I don’t have a list for you.

Actually, what I would advise is to first find *why YOU* cannot keep the habit.

And that, I cannot pinpoint.

What is your leeway?

It most certainly… is not what those lists are listing.

Otherwise, you’d have sorted it out by now.

Don’t just Simon‑Sinek your way into repeating a why that doesn’t even why you.

In my case, what was the issue?

It’s probably not what you’d expect: it wasn't how restrictive the diet is.

And I’m pretty sure there’s a list somewhere saying a diet shouldn’t be so restrictive for it to work.

My issue was every time I had an exception, I felt awful. No matter how reasonable the reason was.

I felt guilty for “hurting my body” or “not being disciplined enough,” and that definitely didn’t make things easier.

Because I was not only dealing with a diet (which by itself is not the easiest thing), but also with my mind making everything harder.

Then, when I was done being miserable for feeling miserable, I sort of:

1. Understood that life happens and will always happen, and I not only have to accept that but also adjust to it.

2. Had to find a way to have peace with myself and the decisions I made. For me, that means allowing myself to enjoy my friend’s birthday party or having that damn pizza when I’ve been thinking the whole month: “I should go out for pizza.” That’s my cue for “I should make an exception.”

or

3. If I’m in a bad mindset, I’ll go the safest route, which is… stay on the diet, even if that means there’s not a single thing for me at that birthday party and 4 out of 5 people are questioning why I’m not eating.

I had to find within myself a balance that wouldn’t compromise me too much but made me comfortable enough to keep myself on track afterward.

That included:

• The math of my flexibility: I decided I want to reach at least 90% of my meals on my diet. If I make around 3 big meals a day, that’s 84 meals a month. Ten percent of that is 8 meals. So to reach at least 90%, I can get away with one off-meal per week.

• Changing my mindset that a “mistake” wouldn’t blow things up and that I CAN (and should) go back.

• Changing the mindset that I had to compensate if I couldn’t keep up for any reason.

• It is BUSINESS AS USUAL. Sometimes, there is not even the 10%.

I also made sure it was easier to keep it up in practical ways.

I agreed with myself to be accountable for maintaining my diet and made MY “guidelines” according to MY pet peeves, and the how got more flexible.

It doesn’t have to be immaculate. It has to be doable and effective enough to bring results.

Same thing happened with exercising, which is the example I gave in the beginning.

Some days I can give 110%, and it’s AMAZING.

Some days, like this last Sunday, I was DRAGGING myself to there, in there, and out of there.

And let me reiterate this: a way that wouldn’t compromise ME too much but made ME comfortable enough to keep myself on track afterward.

This works for ME.

For how my (crazy) mind works.

These exact guidelines might not work for you.

The FRAMEWORK, though...

So, if there is anything I want you to take from this, it’s this:

The issue is YOU (and me).

And in a good way.

There must be a way for whatever you want to happen to happen. You just haven’t figured out how it happens for you.

And yes, just like Mom said a thousand times:

“Just because everyone’s doing it doesn’t mean you should.”

So go on, be your Snowflake ©.

In the end, the habit isn’t even the hardest part.

It’s figuring out how you work.

The method doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work for you.

So go be weird about it.

Make it yours.

That’s the only way it sticks.

Disclaimer: moms might disagree on how I used their line.