Cutting Cords: How behavior is what actually ends a connection

If you’ve been trying to understand how to actually cut a cord (connection) with someone, come in. This room sits in the space where intention meets action.

Red thread of fate, anyone? Beautiful interpretation (or I think it was one) by Nastia Petruk

Ok, back to cords, and this time I’m bringing the one people are mostly interested in: the relational one.

Uh… sorry if this turned into a non‑asked but deliberate sequel, however our reading attention span keeps shrinking, so I’m trying to avoid long rambles.

That aside.

Hi, hello! Welcome! on this (at least here) cloudy day. I’m Leticia, your host (?), a 30‑something trying to figure out life just like you, but with a disturbing record of how many hours I’ve spent reflecting on life‑long riddles that were actually just elephants in my room.

Which, is basically what relational cords are.

I mean… it didn’t instantly CHAAANGE me,

but it explained (and even made sense of) why I kept on loop with certain things or people.

If you didn’t read the previous post where I explained what a cord is, click here.

I highly recommend it, it’s short, it won’t bite you, I swear.

But if you don't want to:

A cord is basically a woo‑woo term for a connection.

You make, maintain, and sever connections all the time with people and things.

I don’t know what rabbit hole of the internet you’re in,

but a few years ago there were plenty of short videos,

teaching rituals, 

as in, a set of actions and words you could do 

to cut ties with someone you had in mind.

Most of them were targeted toward women, especially those struggling to get over exes.

And for better or worse, those videos went viral, 

either because people found them useful or because they found them hilarious.

Mind you,

I was more gullible at the time and less woo‑woo.

Now I’m more woo‑woo and less gullible.

It's up to you to make sense of that.

Which brings me to the topic:

Do I think a ritual (whatever it might be) is useless? No. DO-

DON’T CLOSE THE WINDOW.

Wait. Wait. Let me finish. Give me a chance here.

A ritual is basically setting an intention.

And I think it’s important to be resolute when you want to end a relationship.

Whatever relationship that might be: toxic friend, unsupportive family member, partner, dead-end job, bad habit.

So being sure of your intentions is good, right? Are we on the same page?

If that action or ritual helps you reach resolution:

like flipping a coin and suddenly realizing what you want,

or if it becomes a psychological soothing component (more widely known as placebo), 

then use it.

Use everything in your favor, please.

I’m saddened to say, though:

Just setting intentions is not enough to cut a cord.

Think for a moment.

Think about a bad habit you broke.

I’m pretty sure that just thinking or saying “I won’t do this anymore” wasn’t enough.

There was action involved. Commitment.

There's some kind of process that happened:

Bad habit → Rewiring patterns → Daily actions that support that → Goal.

It’s the same when it comes to cutting a connection with someone.

You can’t control the threads that reach you,

but you can manage them in your reality: 

how long they stay, whether they phase you,

and most importantly, how you react to them.

Action and/or Reaction = Feeding.

An energetic cord has two ends with energy flowing between two people.

One end gives energy, the other receives.

The feeder is the ignition point, the one who starts the flow.

They have the most control over keeping the cord alive.

The receiver receives what the giver is giving.

They also have control, but "less", they can stop receiving,

but who receives usually enjoys it, so why would they want it to stop?

Let’s say: a friend.

You’re always the one to hit them up, initiate conversations, plan everything, and keep things rolling (A initiating);

They don’t need to put much effort in, but they enjoy themselves (B receiving);

And so do you, or you wouldn’t be doing it (A and B receiving because good times);

But then they start taking longer to reply, canceling often, and you’re doing acrobatics to make plans happen (A puts effort, B receives but doesn’t give back);

Eventually you stop because you’re tired and not even having fun anymore (A stops. B stops receiving.);

If they don’t:

1. put more effort into fitting plans, or

2. initiate conversations or ask you to hang out even on their terms,

The cord dies.

No one is feeding it anymore.

In a way, their lack of effort is already a “stop”,

BUT human interactions are messy, more intricate.

Feeders are often natural givers: they shine outward, they generate light, they put the energy they generate out in some form.

The issue lies in imbalances and lack of boundaries.

The giver doesn’t benefit unless there’s an exchange.

They have control, even if they don’t see it,

but they have less power as the dynamic is ongoing (because they’re the ones putting energy in),

while the receiver gains power as they’re fed (they are being cared for, getting attention, shown effort, etc.).

Ok... and the cutting part?

Drumroll, please!

The way you cut a cord is through your behavior.

If you’re not being reciprocated, you stop feeding.

You stop initiating, putting effort, time, and energy.

If you receive something you don’t want, you don’t react.

You don’t accept.

Because acting and reacting feeds the cord.

Easier said than done.

Some behaviors feed the cord:

The obvious ones:

Your direct actions toward them:

your time, your effort, your reactions, your labor.

These are the conventional ones.

If you broke up with a friend or romantic interest,

you’re not hanging out with them, doing their chores, or buying them things.

That alone cuts or lessens the connection.

There are nuances like parasocial or long‑distance dynamics, you get the gist.

But here is the catch: feeding can also be subtle.

Your thoughts.

Your worries.

Your over‑explaining.

Your justifying.

Your ceding control.

Even when not directly intended, can feed the cord.

If you constantly explain yourself, 

that’s energy sent to them: your hope, your effort, your devotion.

They feel important.

After all, you’re answering to them.

Think about how much control someone has if they’re “kept informed” all the time. It's like a parent granting permission.

If you keep trying to understand them,

(this one has done me dirty many times)

You feed them even from a distance.

You don’t need the other end to be active.

If you focus deeply on someone, you send energy.

Again, remember what I said in the previous post?

WHERE ATTENTION GOES, ENERGY FLOWS.

There is a difference between trying to understand someone to release them; to learn from the experience; to give yourself closure;

AND 

Rumminating over someone who isn’t thinking about (reciprocating) you at all.

That’s your energy.

Hours of your time.

Spent on someone who probably doesn’t care as much,

or else they would’ve acted rightfully before you reached the point of even thinking about cutting ties.

You check for them.

Yep.

You know what I’m talking about.

Social media.

It can also be asking about them,

or talking about them,

but nowadays?

It’s heavily social media.

When you look for their posts,

when you keep up with their feed,

when you refresh messages waiting for them to reach out,

you're checking if the cord is still active.

And keeping it alive.

After all, we use that non-reimbursable-really-valuable currency called time on them.

How many hours have you spent on someone who doesn’t deserve that precious precious time?

Aaaaaand,

Hence why, setting intentions is not enough.

Cutting a cord is hard.

Simple as that.

The worst part? 

There’s comfort in keeping a cord alive, even if it’s “inactive”.

It is easier to be in limbo than in a void.

Limbo, is known. 

Limbo has all the the things you know: familiar characters, familiar patterns.

Even if it keeps you stuck.

The void is… a void.

Unlimited potential, zero predictability, you cannot control or foresee outcomes.

It is scary.

If you are without that person or that thing: what comes next? who comes next? does anyone come? when? how? what do you do? what happens in between? 

If "that" was tied to any identity of yours — who, then, do you become?

It is a very uncomfortable process to go through void.

So people choose limbo over the discomfort of no cord at all.

...

What then?

Well… I don’t know.

That’s on you.

I don't think there is right or wrong. 

Your experience is uniquely yours.

You shouldn’t be pressured to do anything.

But now you know that lighting a candle won’t cut it.

From my experience:

A healthy giver knows how much to give and to whom.

They choose relationships that reciprocate, not leech.

The key is learning (painfully) to be in your own energy.

To circulate your energy and feed yourself, instead of freely‑willy‑nilly giving.

Less woo‑woo coded: self‑love.

Care for yourself. Know your boundaries.

Use your resources (time, energy, effort, money) on you too.

You should be able to feel generally happy and have your needs met

by yourself.

The surplus goes to others.

Sometimes over‑giving is natural.

Sometimes it’s learned.

Sometimes it’s a survival strategy.

But it’s not sustainable.

Even if someone isn’t “bad,”

if they only take (over-takers),

the giver in that equation will eventually break.

Who would've thought? to tango, it actually takes two. 

Don’t feed a cord just because it’s screaming to be fed.

Discern people who aren’t starving for your light and will give back,

from people who can’t even generate their own.

And to close:

Ironically, both sides heal in the same place:

the void.

The over-giver learns to circulate their own energy.

They start feeding themselves,

and that helps them feel balanced — and what’s better than inner peace?

It helps them set boundaries and choose better.

Simply to maintain that good state.

The over‑taker learns to generate their own energy.

When in the void, they’re forced to manage their energy themselves.

Eventually, they experience giving — and hopefully that shifts their perspective,

and creates healthier, more sustainable dynamics,

not crash-and-burn situations.

And from that emptiness,

that uncomfortable, unpredictable space,

both can grow.

(the end? well of the post, yes)

I should've told you to go pick some of your preferred beverage, uh?

I'll try to pace myself better next time.

And I did use many — en dashes — this time around. No. Chat is not writing slop for me.

As I’m out of ideas for a dramatic ending:

Thank you for reading this far!

You are the MVP! and definitely have an above-average attention span.

Have a lovely week.

See you in the next one!