Expectations & Reality: What We Do Next

If you’ve been wrestling with expectations and reality not matching up (and the emotional chaos that follows), come on in. This room knows that feeling well.

Picture by Jackson Hendry

We undoubtedly live centered in our own world.

And by the capabilities of this human body, much of what we perceive is filtered through our nervous system.

As per hermetic beliefs, we cannot deny objective reality and its laws, we are inhabitants of it, even if we believe in higher powers.

We also share and cross paths with others in this material reality.

Given these conditions, it’s impossible not to have expectations of people and things.

And having expectations (much like having boundaries) is not an issue in itself.

They actually guide us toward what aligns with our vision.

What is an issue, though, is when there is some immaturity (for lack of a better word) in dealing with the deviation: the discrepancy between reality and expectation, desires, or perception of what something “should” be.

Again: your expectations are a guide, and you are the final judge.

If someone behaves in a way that is completely different from what you expected (for better or worse), your discernment comes into play so you can decide what action to take.

And that action is always yours.

Action is also different from reaction.

And it’s okay if your reaction isn’t what you intended, especially in novelty, in situations you’ve never experienced before, or in moments that challenge you. You might feel disappointed or frustrated with yourself because of your reaction… but then comes the action.

In my experience, that usually falls into three basic categories: acceptance, change, or withdrawal.

Acceptance: you accept the situation or behavior. And yes, that means reaching a point where you don’t bother anymore, you simply accept what you've got.

Change: you change what you *can* change. And that changes the situation. A friendly reminder, though: you cannot change or fix people. But you can change yourself, your environment, your routines, and even your habits.

Withdrawal: you take yourself out of a situation that is not worth your time or effort. It can be a relationship with no reciprocity or a job or home that has served its purpose but no longer supports your growth.

There are big differences between someone who:

• understands that because something is completely different than expected, it’s not worth investing in;

• is surprised but curious and open to the unexpected;

• is frustrated that their expectations weren’t met and feels wronged by that.

Nothing and no one is entitled to meet our expectations, nor to carry our frustrations about not being what we wanted them to be.

Reality is simply reality. Your conditions and choices are what they are in the present moment. Not what (it) was in the past, not the potential (it) has, not the fantasy of what (it) is.

When I think about it… it must be a really challenging experience to take in the world only through a single lens that interprets everything as either “what I expected and therefore good” or “not what I expected and therefore a threat.”

Allow nuance.

There are polarities to everything.

That doesn’t mean being lenient with bad behavior or cynical about your destiny.

It means remembering that *you* are always the one choosing according to what is presented to you, in that moment, big or small.

As humans, we tend to focus on the extremes of the scale, but we are often found somewhere in between.

So what is it that you are choosing?

If in doubt… simply choose what you want to live *now*.

Slipnote: Written half‑asleep on my phone, in true dilly‑dally fashion, so it might feel not so complete, loose, and unstructured, just like a thought that wanted out.