Growing Past the Creative Expectations I Put on Creating (maybe)
If you’ve been wrestling with creative expectations, from creating freely to wondering what your work must yield, come in and sit with me.
I noticed…
I’ve lost some sort of "confidence" in creating.
Not my capacity to create.
I know I can.
Not my ability.
That’s not the issue.
But this faith
in what I create can wield.
Because now I have an expectation
of what it should give me.
Not just the “song”.
But the potential "revenue".
(people get that, right?)
Or at least, the "view".
(World Wiiiiiiiide Web)
Because I have access to endless comparison.
Because of what society endorses.
So I hesitate to create.
“If it doesn’t wield anything, why should I?”
And if you do create,
and don’t achieve what you’ve seen others achieve,
“Why should I keep going?”
I think…
previously we created because we had to.
Or “just because.”
We created
because there were feelings we couldn’t express to others,
and we needed an outlet.
Or
because we wanted to convey something
in a way people could understand.
Or because we needed the finished product:
shoes to wear,
seeds to sow,
food the next harvest.
And we gravitated toward what matched our abilities.
If you had physical strength,
you built things.
If you liked mental work,
you leaned toward poetry, math, science.
Creation fed the “economy”
of the person,
the family,
the village.
It compounded.
But…
if the shoemaker died,
no new shoes
until someone learned the craft
or traded outside for it.
Right now…
we choose according to an economy that already exists,
one that changes technologically,
but rarely "changes hands".
It also wants to endure for as long as possible,
because it is someone’s wealth,
and they want to upkeep it.
Duh.
This isn’t to shame the abundance of goods,
the accessibility to those we have now,
or to say it’s wrong to consider your environment
when making choices.
But our choices are increasingly limited
by one question:
“What can this wield me?”
If we are comparison machines,
and I guess we are,
for survival reasons,
because the right behavior
once guaranteed your spot in the tribe...
We look around,
to find ourselves overwhelmed by options,
still constricted by circumstance,
(even though circumstances have changed wildly).
But it has become harder
to examine our reality as it is.
Therefore...
work with what is.
And our brain is lazy.
It wants to conserve energy,
not make choices,
especially choices with infinite variables
and unreliable data.
We mostly see people’s success
at times failures,
but only after the success.
Not only that,
reproducing what they did is nearly impossible.
Different timing,
different person,
mind hence decisions.
Different resources,
different restrictions.
Restrictions are guides.
Restrictions shape decisions.
You make do with what you have.
Sometimes because beggars can’t be choosers,
or because any port in a storm.
But even if your restriction comes
from being in a tight spot
or sheer emergency,
it can also naturally come from
your skillset,
your inclinations,
your desire,
your inspiration.
Chance.
F* Chance.
So what do I do with this information?
I’m not so sure.
My brain screams practicality,
but also has no idea what the future holds,
for better or for worse.
In my experience, my best decisions
were more emotional than rational,
for better or for worse.
That might not be the case for you.
What may be clear is this:
For one:
There are many reasons
for why we feel stuck
or make the choices we make.
And two,
We should separate:
The capacity to create.
The ability to create.
And what creation can wield.
On a hunch…
the last one seems impossible to predict.
Not the final product itself,
if you paint a canvas,
you know you’ll get a painting.
But what the painting can do?
Will anyone see it?
Who will see it?
Will they like it?
Will they buy it?
For how much?
Will you love it so much
you hang it in your living room?
Who knows?
Which already tells a lot.
Back to:
“Don’t try to control what you cannot.”
If there is a higher maximum,
I haven’t found it.
Cheers.
Comments