How You’re Co‑Creating Reality More Than You Think
If you’ve been wondering why things aren’t going your way, come in and sit with me.
This one… is going to be one of the woo‑woo’s.
Keep with me if you’re in for that,
and you keep asking yourself
why things are not going your way.
And no,
I’m not going to say “oh, it’s for the better!”
Well… it is,
but not only.
Follow me.
You know what’s funny?
I have other essays almost ready,
but I don’t feel called to post them.
So here I am writing a new one.
This one is about a subject
that has followed me around lately,
and probably haunted me for the longest time.
Let’s pick up where I left:
you keep asking yourself
why things are not going your way.
If you’re familiar with the spiritual community,
you’ve probably heard about manifestation,
a "process" you do to align yourself (your energy)
to the (energy of the) experience you want to live.
It can be using affirmations, visualizations, rituals, and all sorts of activities.
Let’s say you want a position at work:
you affirm you’re capable,
visualize yourself in the role,
and embody that demeanor daily.
The cynical says:
“Well, duh. You boost your confidence
and show you’re capable.”
The hermetic says:
“As above, so below, child.”
I say:
both.
It’s all fair game.
Don’t click off.
Please.
I swear I’m going somewhere
even if you’re skeptical.
And I don’t blame you,
some people sell manifestation
as an overnight miracle.
Which explains why we get upset
when things don’t go our way
… plus the fact they’re plainly not going our way.
“Blessing in disguise.”
“Rejection is redirection.”
“God works in mysterious ways.”
All of them roughly mean:
Good can come from difficulty.
Which leads to another classic:
“It’s all working FOR you, not TO you.”
And I’m as much a preacher
for learning lessons
as I am for believing
life doesn’t have to be so hard.
But then again,
why aren’t things working for me
if I’m doing everything
my current self can think of
for things to go my way?
Today, I want to ease some frustrations
by humbling you. a bit.
... :)
Through sharing one of my beliefs
about reality.
For me,
reality is a big fabric
that keeps weaving itself
through our actions
(and sometimes, inaction).
My reality is different than yours,
not only because we live in different places
or work on different things,
but because reality is an environmental decoding
of our nervous system,
based on our experiences
and the way we interpret them.
I believe Earth is round.
Some believe Earth is flat.
For them, maybe even physics works differently.
That said:
We are not innocuous.
And we are not alone.
Read that again.
We are not alone.
Even though you are the main driver (or should be)
of your reality,
others weave into it too,
and you into theirs.
You are manifesting
or simply creating your reality
as much as others are.
You might even be part of someone else’s manifestation.
The day you were late to work,
a conversation happened
that wouldn’t have happened
if you were there.
When you left the party early
and your two have‑not‑connected‑until‑today friends met and hooked up,
congrats, unc!
You were the matchmaker.
Not for you,
but you were part of their manifestation.
There are, of course, conflicting interests here.
Two people can’t have the same thing.
But I truly believe
it will always work for our best,
even if we can’t perceive it at the time.
I once had a job
I’m not sure I manifested.
It served me,
but I think my boss manifested me.
She needed someone like me.
And for me…
I think the job’s role
was to keep me busy
so I wouldn’t go crazy.
It wasn’t a blank.
I learned from it,
especially about my own excellence and ethics.
But the main lesson came way later:
I was repeating a pattern.
A really big pattern
that included how I got that job in the first place.
And even if you think
that makes it useless,
it was… perfect.
It distracted me
from the sh*t storm in my life
until I had enough emotional bandwidth
to deal with it.
It made me proud of my work, (had never happened before)
which opened other avenues
in my self‑journey.
And later,
it became the light
of a significant pattern.
On the other side,
I had the personality and skillset
my boss needed.
I fit right in.
It wasn’t in the job listing,
but it... happened.
There are no loose ends.
Even if you can’t see them,
the fabric is wider
than what we can perceive as reality.
I don’t abide, though, by the idea
of a “Great Conductor”
carefully orchestrating our lives.
I don’t think the Universe, God, Spirit (you name "it")
cares about what we’re doing,
not in a mean way,
but because it's an entity
capable of neutrality
we humans can’t possess.
We are too far down the road of biases
and conditioning.
For Spirit,
whatever experience you want to live
is the right experience.
Experience is experience.
No good or bad.
No specific lyric
you must follow
to be part of the harmony.
That’s why
you have to play your own music
for the universe to align
and co‑create the reality you want.
Otherwise,
you’ll be playing whatever
your whole life.
That said,
whether Spirit cares or not,
you will still be judged
by man’s law.
Remember, you are a human
living in society.
Spirit sees life and death
as a natural cycle.
For us,
it’s our whole earthly experience.
And you know
there are consequences
for deviating from human agreements.
So…
it’s not only about you,
but it is always working for you.
I’m yet to grasp
if it all works under equal exchange,
if everything has its price,
every action has a reaction.
Because...
Value is subjective.
Which complicates the equation.
But in the end,
there is some sort of equilibrium,
even if we never fully see how.
After all,
Life shouldn’t be managed.
Life should be lived.
The cue is even in the derivation of the word,
Silly me.
Shall I sprinkle some psi?
Is this sacrilege?
Not so sure if to science?
To metaphysics?
Two names come to mind
if you want logic instead of woo‑woo:
Alfred Adler on trauma,
Adler doesn’t believe trauma is determinant.
It won’t set who we can become
or how we’ll behave.
Instead,
we give meaning to those events,
and everything else follows suit.
Is trauma still horrible and painful? yes.
but it doesn’t have to dictate your future.
I found his point of view interesting because
I stumbled upon his work
when we were all explaining our bad ways
with our past.
Myself included.
Trauma was everywhere,
and was the answer to everything.
“I behave like this because of my childhood.”
“I am this disease.”
True,
but it felt boxed.
Like I could only live
what those allowed.
Sometimes it even felt bypassing.
Like when people say:
“I’m an Aries, I’ll always tell the truth even if it hurts.”
No, no, no darling.
You choose to be an a**hole.
The cosmos has nothing to do with it.
All emotions are valid.
BUT
Your actions should be justified.
As best as our intentions are,
they only serve to our own inventory,
but what you do
is what turns the wheels.
what you do
is what others
experience of you.
To some extent,
you can even say,
it's when we tangibly,
experience ourselves.
Everything else,
is solely in our head.
It wasn’t instant,
I needed many pieces
to get to “I don’t want to live by this anymore.”
But Adler shone a light
on my agency.
Which leads me to McAdams.
Narrative identity roughly says
People who create constructive narratives of their life
tend to generally score higher in well‑being.
Meaning, How you tell your life story,
adversities and all,
affects how you feel.
As the authors
who explain who we are
and how we got here,
to ourselves and to the world,
that's our meaning‑making.
...
That job was mid,
but I did take some good things from it.
So where am I going
with all of this?
Be gentle with yourself
and where you are at.
You are
where you are at.
Period.
There's not much you can just... do about that.
Unless you know how to instantly and at will jump timelines.
(if you do, call me)
You may not believe
in any woo‑woo I said,
but life probably has already empirically proven
you cannot control everything.
So as our friends’ research says,
you can choose
to make this moment
lighter or heavier.
Do yourself a favor
and make things easier for yourself.
Also, be open.
Don’t judge yourself
by what was.
It measured an old self
in old environments.
It’s not the right measure anymore.
Besides,
you don’t want to repeat
what was.
Nor be the same that was.
If you do,
well…
rinse and repeat.
Otherwise...
There’s a lot happening
we can’t glimpse.
Possibilities you can’t consider yet
because you’ve never lived them before.
Cheers, friends.
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