The Blank Canvas Effect: Rethinking "Starting Over in Life"

Photo by: Joseph Morris

Life said:

• Let me show you that this partner does not value as who you are, but the comforts that you provide.

• Let me show you, that this best friend expects you to take the lead and make things fun, they expect you to be there, to make the decisions (even their own), and they do see a problem if that is not the case. 

• Let me show you, that this friend is deeply unbalanced in their confidence, they don't mean harm but they feed off of your affirmation and care. They expect you in a certain way, but they do not show up or own up, to even what they want from you. 

• Let me show you this people do not have the same interests and ideas you do. They just want your work and efforts and expect you to be grateful for their benevolence in accepting you there. They are not willing to invest in you, but they want you to invest fully in them even before it begins. 

• Let me show you, that your parents are not perfect. One is unwilling to carry their own weight. The weight of past decisions and to make new ones. They resent and feel entitled to others service, even when they don't even show up themself. The other, has worked themself to the bone. They want to be in control and want to have things their way at all costs, that made their work load extra hard, until they could not do it anymore and were too drained to even bother anymore. That, and that you have enacted the same dynamics in many of your relationships, over, and over again.

• Let me show you, you put all this effort, money and time in a degree you didn't believe in, because it was "respectable" and safe. Grass is only green where you water it, hon. In your case to water, is to love. Is passion. Took you long, uh.

• Let me show you... this other degree wasn't necessarily a passion project, either. Maybe a better choice, but you are a soul that can fit many places, you just need to want to. And here... you did the same pattern, because you needed to be "active" to feel useful. To be worthy. You are already, inherently worthy. It did buy you time though. 

• Let me show you, repeatedly, that you are underpaid, and undervalued, that you need to set your worth so others follow suit.

• Let me show you, that in this partnership they don't want to make any hard decisions or assume any risks, that they wouldn't go the same lengths you did for them and for the business. 

• Let me show you, how talented you are, your ethics, your rhythm. How you like to work. In what you shine. Value those. Stop questioning if you even have anything to bring to the table and use it.

• Let me gently take this friend somewhere, so you can feel lighter and less pressured by their way of life and how they see the world. 

• Let me give you a blank canvas, some time, enough resources. So you have to choose it all yourself.

What do YOU want to do?

Where do YOU want to invest?

Do it because is worth your time and effort.

How do you want life to look like?

Drop your false expectations.

Ground yourself.

Be real about what things actually are and what you want them to be.

Who do YOU want to be?

You give leeway to others needs and wants, but not to yours.

Choose yourself.

Drop what is imposed or self-imposed.

Choose it yourself.

Do not outsource yourself.

You already know how and where to move to.

You just need to allow yourself that way.

Create a life from an authentic place,

so you don't have to perform.

Because your life needs to be sustained by you.

So make sure you are creating a life for yourself that is sustainable.

---

...and that's how I landed on a blank canvas. Sort of.

Not necessarily in that order. You get the gist.

I am... not so sure if it's my algorithm, 

if it's the cosmos, 

a generational thing, 

or a product of our current society.

But I've seen quite a lot of content creators

talking about starting over in life. 

You must've seen it too, 

The title usually goes: 

"Starting over at (...)"

Let me start by saying that, 

I do not see any problem in the content,

nor that they are doing said content, 

but I have caught myself thinking that, 

"starting over" gets quite romantic.

It seems easy.

It seems flawless. 

Effortless.

The only way forward,

is to restart.

You see,  

my life has gone into a blank canvas state,

but it took years.

Some big, distressful, sudden happenings, 

and some small gradual too.

Remember? it took years for things to fall out.

It is also taking years, 

to build back again.

Because it is not about... 

just having...

blank.

It is about having the blank canvas, 

but also, 

an idea of what you want to paint, 

resources to paint: paint, brushes, palette, everyone and every project needs different things, 

time and 

effort in itself, 

so there is a painting, 

a final product.

And that means, 

not only healing and integrating past lessons,

but also betting in the unknown.

Believing in the process, 

until that one (of many) projects gets done.

Life is multifaceted.

And, yeah.

Sh*t happens.

Miracles also happen, 

meaning, 

the wheel can turn pretty fast, 

but...

it can also not.

If you want change, 

you don't need to start over again.

Sometimes "starting over" even gets in the way. 

For example, this one move didn't completely change my life.

Sure, 

other surroundings, 

some novelty to get used to,

you get busy in the beginning,

but when it all settles down, 

well...

there you are.

again.

Same you.

Another place.

Also, 

I would argue that, 

the toll you take, 

emotionally, mentally, 

even... materially, 

can be a lot.

To start over 

burns a lot of 

internal and

external resources. 

Some don't even have these resources.

The social support, 

the financial support, 

the right place of mind.

That means,

it's going to be even more challenging,

and the worst

is that you often notice the holes,

only after you are already in it.

People say it's hard to start,

I would say is equally as hard to 

build up

and keep up.

And I am saying so, as someone that highly encourages change.

I would never go back.

I wouldn't do different.

I... don't even think, it could've been different.

I. would. not. go. back.

Even fully aware I am not where I expected to be by now,

nor where I want to be yet.

I am glad.

But I am also here to say, 

you DO NOT NEED

things to fall dramatically out of your life, 

for you to glow up.

It can be a hell of an incentive.

After all, after being pushed downhill,

there's not much to do about it other than free fall until you land.

But it's not the only one.

If you have the itch,

the change-itch,

look into that.

That is your initial spark.

Go from there.

See what bothers you,

See what you can do.

Even small changes can go a long way.

You have so much more power,

than you give yourself credit for.

Cheers, friend.