Not Being Understood: Choosing Peace Anyway

If you’ve been wrestling with not being understood and still trying to choose peace anyway, come in, this one has a quiet corner waiting for you.

Photo by: Viktor Talashuk

We’re in a charged moment astrologically, between eclipses (Feb 17th and March 3rd), with Mercury retrograde just beginning.

Astrologers keep saying this is a time to plant seeds, not for the old life, but for the one you’re actually here to live. A time to dissolve stories or beliefs, especially old patterns around control, self‑management, and over‑functioning—these containers that you have outgrown and do not function, do not support you in the way you have evolved, and you’re finally ready to leave behind.

I don’t know if you believe in any of that, but it’s never a missed opportunity.

And I do think I have two things on the table this time around.

One of them is this belief that I must come out of a situation being understood.

If there’s something I’ve confronted these last few years (gotten better at, but haven’t fully grasped... yet), it’s that when I stand for myself, my needs, my wants… not everyone will support or even understand. Sometimes my “no” is a threat. And it’s not just the courage to not please, to be disliked, to stand for myself—it's also the ease around not being understood.

It’s not that people disagree because it’s convenient or because there are multiple truths. Sometimes they simply cannot fathom you. And I would like to dissolve the need to be fathomed. The need to have a “good conversation” where all sides are acknowledged. The need to come through clearly so I can have closure.

Funny enough, the hardest situations are always with people who have this pattern: the ones you already know won’t be able to meet you where you are. And because of that, you postpone. You’re lenient. You empathize. You care. You don’t want to create friction for no result. You understand their reasoning. You don’t want to hurt them. So you wait.

But sometimes, boundaries get crossed. Resentment builds. What should protect your peace becomes abandoning yourself.

And then… you say no.

But there is no understanding on the other side... not in these cases. They feel at fault, they feel wronged, and they feel like you are doing something to them. It damages the relationship, yes. But ultimately, it protects your peace.

So one thing I’m ready to dissolve is this obligation (to others or to myself) that things must always be clear for me to have peace.

They don’t.

I shouldn’t need someone else’s understanding to rest inside my own truth.