Growing Past the Need for Being Understood

If you’ve been growing past the need for being understood, that shift from explaining yourself to simply standing in your truth, come in and sit with me.

Photo by: Viktor Talashuk

We’re in a charged moment astrologically —

between eclipses (Feb 17th and March 3rd),

with Mercury retrograde just beginning.

Astrologers keep saying this is a time to plant seeds,

not for the old life,

but for the one you’re actually here to live.

A time to dissolve stories,

beliefs,

old patterns around control,

self‑management,

over‑functioning,

these containers you’ve outgrown,

that no longer support who you’ve become.

Whether you believe in any of that or not,

it’s never a missed opportunity.

And I do think I have two things on the table this time around.

One of them is this belief

that I must come out of a situation

being understood.

If there’s something I’ve confronted these last few years,

gotten better at,

but haven’t fully grasped yet,

it’s that when I stand for myself,

my needs,

my wants…

Not everyone will support.

Not everyone will understand.

Sometimes my “no” is a threat.

And it’s not just about the courage

to not please,

to be disliked,

to stand for myself,

it’s also the ease

around not being understood.

It’s not that people disagree because it’s convenient,

or because there are multiple truths.

Sometimes they simply cannot fathom you.

And I would like to break up with this need

to be fathom-ed.

The need to always make it a “good conversation”

where all sides are acknowledged.

The need to come through clearly

so there is closure, so I can have closure.

Funny enough,

the hardest situations are always with people

who have this pattern:

the ones you already know

won’t be able to meet you where you are.

And because of that,

you postpone.

You’re lenient,

you empathize,

you care.

You don’t want to create friction

for no result.

You understand their reasoning.

You don’t want to hurt them.

So you wait.

But sometimes,

boundaries get crossed.

Resentment builds.

What should protect your peace

becomes abandoning yourself.

And then…

you say no.

But there is no understanding on the other side,

not in these cases.

They feel at fault.

They feel wronged.

They feel like you are doing something to them.

It damages the relationship, yes.

But ultimately,

it protects your peace.

So one thing I’m ready to change,

is this obligation,

to others or to myself,

that things must always be clear

for me to have peace.

They don’t.

I shouldn’t need someone else’s understanding

to rest inside my own truth.