Low Self‑Awareness: When Someone Just Doesn’t See Themselves

If you’ve ever dealt with someone who has low self‑awareness and wondered why nothing changes, come in! This room holds the quiet frustration of seeing what they can’t.

Photo by Nicolas Horn

So… hi.

I think this one is going to be pretty short.

I was working on a two‑piece post again, but this just came to me.

I was cooking and remembered this story.

This is about people with… poor insight?

Question mark.

Someone who doesn’t recognize their own behavior, even when others point it out.

Or maybe… low self‑awareness?

Another question mark.

Simply someone who doesn’t notice how they come across.

Not someone who thinks they’re a gift to humanity,

just someone who is socially unaware.

Picture this:

I was at a family member’s house.

I know them well enough.

I’ve seen the dynamic plenty of times.

Of course it changes… but still.

Well…

This family member enthusiastically came to me.

He showed me this quote he found A‑MU‑ZING.

I politely nodded.

“Yeah… right. Nice.”

And when he left, I thought:

“I hope he doesn’t show her that quote.”

Her = his wife.

…

You know where this is going, right?

Not much longer…

I wasn’t even part of the conversation.

I was doing something else but close enough to hear.

She was mindlessly watching TV.

And he came,

as enthusiastically as before,

and showed her the quote he had proudly written in his notebook.

Big smile. Laughing.

She…

dead‑stared.

I…

was MOR‑TI‑FI‑ED.

Thank God we don’t live in a dystopian reality with cameras in our houses.

It would be the gossip of the overlords.

It felt reality show coded.

I had no reaction.

You know those moments where,

right now, you think “If I were her, I would have snapped at him,”

but in the moment you just freeze,

(eavesdropping) mortified?

He was genuine.

He delivered it like he had cracked THE CODE,

unaware that he was flirting with mockery.

The quote read something like:

“If you take on everything, they’ll give you everything.”

And you might think: 

"Girl, this is not that bad, it's just a Facebook-uncle feed with mis-authored motivational quotes"

To that I say, "Yeah". 

You are right.

BUT

You know family.

We know things.

Sometimes even without wanting to.

And she is well known for being someone who takes on everything.

EVERYTHING.

I wish I could read minds.

Just to know what she thought in that moment.

She wasn’t amused — that I can confidently say.

He blissfully left for his cigar, and who knows what happened after.

I’m not here to talk people’s dynamics.

Whatever works for them.

I’ve had MY fair share of bad learned behavior from parental modeling.

No judgment.

Besides — not my circus, not my monkeys.

BUT

It’s in moments like this that it hits me:

Sometimes people are just not… perceptive.

Even though everyone else around seems to be aware on their behalf.

So,

if there is someone you’re losing your sanity over,

and nothing ever changes,

THAT might be them.

They might be the low‑insight, low‑self‑awareness person.

And what do you do?

I don’t know.

I’m mid-equation myself.

I face this too,

and have no clue if I’ll ever fully figure it out.

One thing, though,

I know for sure:

If you actually notice this obliviousness pattern,

For starters:

They are not worth your discomfort.

They are not worth your rage.

Your peace.

They don’t even know what’s going on.

Maybe they don’t want to know what’s going on.

Whatever the case, it’s just not worth it.

Awareness is something…

extremely personal.

It’s not for sale.

It cannot be gifted.

(we wish.)

It’s about

observing,

noticing,

questioning,

and updating an internal model of who you are.

It. is. WORK.

It threatens the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.

There is ego, fear of change, conditioning, fear of losing an identity.

And sometimes it’s being on autopilot or lacking tools on how to look inward.

Nonetheless, it’s emotionally expensive.

Don’t expect ALL of this

just because you are not pleased with them.

That’s what they need to do with themselves, actually.

All of this to say,

yet again — that we cannot change people.

But I hope I’ve given you some reasoning

for your logical brain to think twice before the frustrated reaction of the emotional one,

why you shouldn’t expect much,

to maybe find a practical way to avoid the frustrating situation.

But (sadly) it might come down to some rewiring of your own.

We are who we are at that given time.

It is unfair to expect someone to be someone else we expect them to be.

It is also unfair to keep yourself expecting something that is so far from your control.

We all have our own time.

Including you.

Don’t waste yours.

Cheers!

---

Slipnote

I want to leave a note that came afterwards. I don’t believe there is a “right” or “wrong” when it comes to awareness. It’s not a hierarchy or a moral ranking. Yes, someone who tends to be more self‑aware may notice more things, but that doesn’t make them an end‑all be‑all of perception.

Because you might be the pain in the a** of someone else, for something you are completely blind to. We all have our blind spots.

What I want you to take from this is the choice. If you have the knowledge, or rather, the consciousness, of a situation, then choose.

Choose what brings peace to you.