Question the Relationship: A Return to Self‑Respect

If you’ve been sitting with the urge to question a relationship: not out of fear, but out of self‑respect, come in. This room holds the quiet truth of what you already know.

Photo by: K Adams

This one is going to be really short and... not so sweet.

My mind was doing its thing while I was cooking, and a conversation started to play out here, and I would like to share it with anyone who needs it.

Even if you don’t need to say it outright to someone questioning you, but to yourself — to quiet down your doubts.

So... I wasn’t really ranting.

I was talking about something that happened to me,

after I had had a fallout with someone from a buildup of many years. (I was really fed up.)

They tried to be considerate and do a favor I did not ask for. It backfired, essentially. Not my fault. (I swear.) It got awkward. We move on.

And her reaction intrigued me, because while I was uncomfortable and not so willing to take the backfired... niceness (???) to heart, she thought it was... cute.

All I wanted to do was share a realization I had — which is not what this essay is about,

but what happened is: midway through explaining what happened, she sent those teary‑eye emojis and talked like that was a reconciliation. They were doing something nice... right?

That made me really think.

I know I have feelings.

But I do ask myself if I am a stone‑hearted ice queen... sometimes.

Because I have already proven to myself that I can be completely destroyed inside,

but I’ll be holding my head high and doing what needs to be done on the outside.

Uh.

That said, I was SO sure

I had finally given myself the respect I owed myself in that situation.

But what was in the air were the questions:

“Well... people deserve second chances?”

(even more?)

“Aren’t you going to be the bigger person?”

(yet again?)

“You understand their reasons... so... why not?”

(empathy doesn’t mean bypassing other people’s bs. *sparkle or rainbow emoji here*)

Well... here’s my answer so far: “No.”

Because I respect and value myself.

People cannot just come and go as they please.

People cannot just treat me however they want to,

and then expect me to be here waiting, open arms,

for when they finally have the goodwill to treat me right.

F‑ it. If they valued me, they would’ve treated me decently right from the beginning.

If the little voice retorts that you’re not being nice because people make mistakes, just ask:

“At what point do you think someone needs to be to not accept someone else’s kindness freely?”

How severed does a relationship need to be,

or how hurt does someone have to have been,

to the point they don’t want anything else from that person?

I am not anyone’s doormat.

You are not anyone’s doormat.

And...

I know we sometimes fail to see that.

Sometimes relationships can be pretty complex and have way too many layers to have an objective or quick answer.

Oftentimes we can see the gaps.

We recognize the pattern.

We see the trauma.

We see the good.

We see the potential.

But don’t fall for it.

Ask yourself: at what point is it kindness and forgiveness,

and at what point is it allowing disrespect and abandoning yourself?

Because it doesn’t work to try to fix someone.

We already learned that.

Right?

Right.

Now, with me: each person must be accountable for their own healing,

and there is only so much you can do.

To tango, it takes two.

So...

If you have gotten

to this point,

don’t question your feeling.

Question the relationship.