Better Single Than Sorry: Why You're Responsible for Your Own Happiness

Photo by: Eugenia Clara

Hi, welcome, I’m Leticia, a 30‑something and somehow always the “you seem like you’ve got it together” friend... despite the very real fact that most of my wisdom comes from walking headfirst into brick walls labeled “don’t.” :)

So, the other day I was out with a friend, nice restaurant, never been there, we were waiting for her husband; he was leaving late from his gig. 

She was telling me about this coworker, “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO LISA,” and she finished off with: “You know, I would love to introduce you two, and (insert other people here). You are a good example of single ladies that are happy, and she needs that.” That got me thinking.

I mean, your girl is not the big‑city‑at‑the‑club‑knows‑all‑the‑hot‑spots kinda single girl. She is definitely close to being in the higher cabinet of the introvert‑homebody‑committee. But hey, she is not that wrong, I am happy, even if I am not where I want to be yet. 

But I do ask myself if I am a good example. I had quite the breakup a few years ago. Made me (forcibly) grow a lot? Yes. But still, it took some time for me to get where I am now.

This gossip has been going on for a while. Months even, like all your usual complicated relationships out there. 

Sweet girl. Regular job, but can get by herself. Long‑ish term relationship. 

Living with the guy, and the talk always was that things weren’t that balanced on the daily, and she felt like she had to give up on one of her biggest dreams.

Up until… 

She was cheated on. He confessed. 

She forgave. (breath in) I’m not here to judge, we all have free will. If it were me, I wouldn’t have. It’s her choice. (breath out) You go figure. 

The situation cooked for a good while. 

And then he dumped her.

Let me say that again. HE dumped. HE. 

I was in disbelief because I misheard the first time. I was all proud she did that, but NO. Silly me. 

HE. dumped. her. After not the best living… daily… series of conver‑situations (??????).

Fast forward in time.

Lo and behold, that meeting happened. 

Aaaaand, poor thing was in shambles, as you might’ve expected. 

The only objective of that meeting was pretty clear: have fun, lighten up!!!!!… 

But things… took a turn… probably faster than you’ve expected.

She was really sad, and I don’t blame her, she had gotten herself (out of) a sticky situation. 

It’s no surprise the state she was in. 

PLUS she was in complete denial that she could be happy without someone. 

She actually was having a hard time with that.

“How can you be so chill about it after being with someone for so long?” 

Mind you, that breakup I mentioned, an (almost) 10‑year relationship.

“Well, darling… First, you are in the thick of it, I am not. Second, it’s not that I don’t want a partner or a family anymore. Actually, probably one of my biggest wounds is there, related to the lack of emotionally available connections I’ve had, especially growing up. The catch is, they aren't as exclusionary as you are making them out to be. They are complementary. At least that’s what I’ve learned. 

Me being happy with someone else is not exclusionary to me being happy by myself. It’s complementary. I can be happy by myself and with someone else.”

It’s okay to want partnership, it’s okay to want community, your people. 

We are human, we are social creatures, and even our survival instincts ring to that. 

STILL, as scary and as empowering as it might be: no one is responsible for our happiness but ourselves. 

And YOU have all the tools to do so YOURSELF. 

I would say it’s even a good foundation for healthier relationships.

Easier said than done? Yes. 

The switch is in where you TRUST your happiness to come from. It took me years to understand that real joy comes when you cultivate happiness from within, not from someone else’s presence or approval.

You take away the trust from some uncontrollable variable and put that on you, the only thing you have (somewhat) control of.

The goal is to build it so that anyone joining you becomes a guest in your joy, not the source of it.

To wrap things up: this work may or may not be fictional. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental… or maybe not. It’s possibly a mix, you might never know. What I can say is that the core lesson contained here was (mostly, hopefully) learned the hard way by yours truly.